Monday, September 21, 2015

Try #2

**This is part of a series of posts I wrote when pregnant, but before we announced publicly.**

Remember that post where I said this cycle was already over before it began?  I lied to you.

I recall laying in bed one night, crying because the cycle was going to be a bust.  My husband was all, "You don't know that yet!".  I will probably never live that one down, because the cycle turned out to be just fine.  Beautiful in fact.  Nice mature follicle, on time release of the egg, and a lining thicker than I've ever had.  When I went in for the Lupron shot my nurse even told me she had a good feeling about this cycle.

July 25th is when my blood test was scheduled.  July 21st is the night I had 3 separate dreams that I was pregnant, and the morning of June 22nd is when I took my first at home test and it was....negative.  The awful thing is that the sleepy haze I was still in led me to read it wrong, so for a good 10 seconds I thought it was positive.  When I realized my error, it was a bit soul crushing.

July 24th is when I took the next at home test.

I swore I could see a faint blue line - but it was a cheap test and at this point, I had to wonder if I just wanted to see a line so bad that I was convincing myself it was there, when it wasn't.  The line was pretty faint.  But in the back of my head, I heard the commonly used saying on the message boards - a line is a line.

I decided new, expensive tests from the drug store were needed.  NOW. My husband was at work, so I threw my clothes on, put on some shoes, and rushed down to the garage.  I opened the door only to car was still in the shop.

I considered walking there.  I have no idea how far it is - it didn't matter - I was going to get that damn test.  But then I had a brilliant idea - I happen to have a neighbor that is also one of the most loyal, thoughtful, wonderful people you will ever meet.  So I woke her up at 7 am with a phone call begging her to take me to the store.  And because she is such an awesome friend, she calmly said, "I am going to brush my teeth.  Then I am going to brush my hair.  And then.....I am going to come get you!!"

While I waited, I drank all the water I possibly could, knowing that may result in a negative if my hormone levels were really low.

When we got to the store, I ran in, threw down 50 bucks for 4 fancy tests (why I thought I needed 4, I have no idea), and then spent the couple minutes in the car ride home opening the tests to get them ready.  I swore to my neighbor I wasn't going to actually pee in her car.  When we got home, I ran inside, my friend right behind me.  "Don't think I'm not coming inside with you!" she had said.

The test required 5 seconds of urine.  I managed about 1.  And then I set a timer for 3 minutes.

And that test, in all it's $12 dollar glory, popped up with a totally irrefutable YES.


I spent the next 4 hours wondering how I would tell my husband.  I didn't get to do that the first time, and here I was with time to plan.  I thought of a lot of cute ways, but ultimately, wound up just standing right on the other side of the door, with a positive test in hand, and a big smile on my face for when he walked in.  Sometimes simple is good.

When he walked in, I got a shocked, "oh my god".  After about 3 seconds of him staring at the test, it sunk in, and I got a big smile, eyes that he'll claim were just being attacked by allergies, and a, "That's awesome" before a big, long hug.

Awesome indeed.

We decided to go for the blood test right then (half of my husband didn't believe it still), and the nurse called back asking if I had cheated (by taking the at home test) and an "I TOLD you I had a good feeling!".

My husband has expressed some fear of this going wrong again, and my parents were cautious in their reaction to the news (which really kind of sucks), but I'm firm in my resolution that we are going to be excited.  I am pregnant now, and no matter what happens, I will enjoy the shit out of this time.  Infertility and loss have taken so much, I won't let them have this one.  I'm convinced Baby G is sticking around this time.

And so, July 24th is when we learned I was pregnant.

1 comment:

  1. Omg - just reading this now and I'm crying all over again!