Sunday, August 23, 2015

Today was my due date

I don't really have a whole lot to say about this.  I quietly acknowledged my lost one to myself earlier this morning, and I thought I would do so on here.

She would have been so incredibly loved.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Little Blog that Could

In case you missed it, a couple months ago I wrote a post based on the the theme of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week:

You Are Not Alone

Today I received a call from RESOLVE, The National Infertility Association.  I have written about this amazing organization before, but in case you missed that too, check it out:


Of course I missed the call because I'm completely unreliable when answering my phone, so when I listened to the voicemail, I thought it must be some kind of joke.  But I listened two more times, and then I read the email that was also sent, and sure enough - my simple little blog has been nominated for the 2015 Hope Award for Best Blog.

I keep asking my husband what it's like to be married to an award nominated blog writer.  He's starting to look more annoyed than impressed.

In all seriousness, I can't put into words how honored I feel.

Of course I am proud from a very selfish standpoint (don't we all still have the 6 year old in us that wants the gold star?), but my view of this is a bit broader.

Let's face it - there's nothing fancy about my blog.  No frills, no bells.  I don't have thousands of followers, or even hundreds.  Quite frankly, I'm lucky if I get more than a dozen readers of any given post, and about 11 of those readers are my closest friends.   I have spent exactly $0 on this blog, and I honestly really have no idea what I am doing (please don't tell RESOLVE that).

But what I do know (all too well) is the heartache of infertility and loss.  And what I've invested here is every bit of myself - my sadness, my frustration, and if you look closely enough, my hope and my strength.

I started this blog during a particularly dark time, and by getting my thoughts out of my head and into cyberspace, it has brought me some measure of peace.  But since then, I have striven for more.  I've tried to be a voice for issues that often receive only a hushed whisper.  I have tried to be this voice both on my blog and in my life.

To me, that's the key: to lend another voice.  I may not be the loudest, or the fanciest.  I may only be reaching a number of people I can count on my fingers and toes, but it's a voice nonetheless.  And if all I ever do is offer some form of comfort or understanding to that one person who isn't just reading because they know me, then I have accomplished something.

Today, RESOLVE affirmed that every voice counts in bringing awareness to infertility and loss , no matter how small.

With that, I present to you:

Shazam!  My blog actually just got a little fancy.

Also, please please (please) vote for me here:

Shamelessly Asking for Votes

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Let's talk about pregnancy loss

I want to share this article, because it so loudly speaks to my experience that I feel like I could have written it myself:

Sharing About Pregnancy Lost

We too tried for 14 months, and we too shrugged off the people who cautioned us not to tell anyone too early.  But we had waited so long, we couldn't help but shout it from the rooftops.

When we got the news that there was no heartbeat, there were so many emails, texts, and phone calls to be made.  It was not easy.

But in the long run, I am glad that we did.  I'd like to think we gave a voice to something that many other people may not be willing to share.  I knew my mother and my best friend had suffered a loss, but by sharing our happy (and then sad) news with so many, I heard from several others.  A neighbor, a friend's sister, my sister in law's friend - the list goes on and on.  All women who had been through the same.  Despite several of these people being complete strangers, they reached out to me with arms wide open, and shared their experiences with me.  It was also encouraging to hear that all of them who continued to try went on to have healthy babies (including me - I was my mom's first successful pregnancy after a devastating 5 month loss).

Recently, a neighbor and friend had reached out to me because a friend of hers that I had met a few times had just suffered a loss.  I felt an enormous amount of responsibility (and desire) to reach out to her and try to provide to her what so many others did for me.  I remembered how painful those first few days and weeks were, and my heart went out to her.  I told her I was sorry she now knows that pain, and I couldn't have meant it any harder.

As you may have seen, Mark and Priscilla Zuckerberg have recently announced they are expecting, along with an announcement of 3 lost before.  Pink has also alluded to her struggles with infertility and loss, and she even wrote a song about it.  If you have never heard it, give it a listen here:

Beam Me Up

I hope we continue towards a culture of being more open about this issue, as it impacts so many men and women.  I also hope to lend another voice to it one day, much in the same way the Zuckerberg's have (albeit with a little less fame).