First, a little bit about a really amazing organization:
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, established in 1974, is a non-profit organization with the only established, nationwide network mandated to promote reproductive health and to ensure equal access to all family building options for men and women experiencing infertility or other reproductive disorders.
RESOLVE to Know More
There are some awesome links for both those dealing with infertility, as well as their family and friends. Please consider reading this.
If you don't mind some cursing and some humor, then read on (you're in good company).
Now, let me just come out and say it: people say the stupidest shit to us. You would not believe some of the things we hear. I'm going to post some awesome links to read, but there's a few that I want to address here first:
1) Infertility is a medical issue. This means no amount of "just relaxing" is ever going to work. Stop saying this to us. Just....stop.
2) It is not helpful, or relevant, what your views on Assisted Reproductive Technology or adoption are. I promise you, anyone who is proceeding (or not proceeding) with either one has not taken the decision lightly. They are both incredibly expensive and emotionally draining, and ART also comes with serious physical hardships on the woman.
3) A wise friend of mine once said in relation to my miscarriage: "a loss is a loss". Despite not ever wanting children of her own, this understanding led her to be one of the most truly supportive people through the shit-storm that was the weeks after our loss. Please treat it, and us, just as you would someone who lost a loved one. Because, you know...we did.
4) Please stop asking me to pretend this very big thing is not happening in my life. I've been shocked by the number of people who basically have said a quick, "I'm sorry" and then have never asked me about it again. It's exhausting having conversations where I have to put on a happy face; please just give me license to talk about it for a few minutes with a simple, "how are you handling everything?"
And now, some links:
How Not to be a Dick to Your Infertile Friend
10 Things Infertiles Want You to Shut the Fuck Up About
Stop Being a Jerk to Someone Dealing with Infertility
Lastly, a great little video. If there is one little silver lining about my loss, it's that I'm now a more empathetic person; I can climb down into the dark hole with others: